Away Message of the Day

I feel like doing a little somethin somethin everyday with Donzi's Basement. I would like to be more committed, but unfortunately I am too busy reading the want ads, digging through garbage cans, and selling my body for cheese. I think if I write a quick little entry daily, it will help with my dedication to all 5 of you who read this blog. I decided to write an "Away Message of the Day." This will consist of me waking up and writing down random nonsense that I make up, like fake quotes and general hogwash. It might be funny, it might be weird, it might tank, I don't care. It's 100% random and 100% Donz.

"Is that Jon Secada in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Mike Giunta's Real Worl Facts

It is necessary that the 12 Real World Facts of Mike Giunta, a gentleman whose blog has been dead for over a year now and that I used to contribute to, be told. These were written, after Fratastic Mike himself just joined the daily grind of work, 3 years ago:

*Note: I tried for about a week to make this look better...No matter how many times I edited, it just looked like shit...deal with it...

Real World Fact Number 1

No one cares how Fratastic I once was…

Real World Fact Number 2

There is no hazing in the real world. The senior guys at my office didn't degrade me and make me stand in a hot, dark room listening to a cotton eyed joe hamster dance remix for 4 hours at a time for 3 months before they would hire me. They actually treated me with respect and helped me when I needed it. Weird…

Real World Fact Number 3

There is no such thing as morning cocktails. Putting a bag of wine down your pants and trying to get your boss to drink out of the spigot that is dangling from your zipper is unacceptable. Along those same lines, working into work with nothing but your boxers and a bathrobe with a big red grain stain on the front is grounds for immediate dismissal. The Frat has done nothing to move me ahead in the corporate world…

Real World Fact Number 4

No one cheers when you vomit…

Real World Fact Number 5

There is no such thing as an eighties work day. Dear Christ how I would love to throw on a pair of short shorts and my official Bruce Springsteen tour shirt and dance all day long to the likes of AHA and Tears for Fear but I’m sad to say that those days are officially over…

Real World Fact Number 6

Wearing your collar up still makes you vastly superior to everyone else…

Real World Fact Number 7

There is absolutely no reason to drink Ice Beer. Ice Beer, otherwise known as “Fight in a Can”, is responsible for blackouts, bar fights and destroying relationships and should be outlawed.

Real World Fact Number 8

Peer pressure does not work as well in the real world. Saying things like “Just fucking sign those papers you pussy”, “Funnel that coffee bitch”, and of course “Dude, she’s good to go” don't get you any further.

Real World Fact Number 9

Red Bull is a modern day panacea. Drink too much in the afternoon but just have to make it to the bar at night? Red Bull. Hungover but have to get to work on time? Red Bull. On the bad half of a Charlie Sheen like bender? Red Bull.

Real World Fact Number 10

Don’t tell your co-workers stories from college. They just don’t understand and they never look at you the same after you explain to them some of the things you did during pledging.

Real World Fact Number 11

Freshman girls think I’m creepy

Real World Fact Number 12

Don’t give your college buddies your work number. The last person you need interrupting you during an important meeting with your boss is your old roommate who is currently on his 16th beer at four in the afternoon and can do nothing at this point except yell into the phone about how much of a pussy you are for being at work.

From my mind to yours, Donz.