Couldn't Pass this Up

I haven't posted since December? Shit. Oh well. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to bring to light something that I read in one of my gay muscle magazines that grace the bathroom of my office. About half of one of these magazines is filled with advertisements for some of the most lab driven supplements and masked steroids out on the market. Just looking at one of these advertisements for N.O. Plasmacore, Cytolean or Anabolic OD, makes me feel like I am getting stronger. Just one glance and I can feel my veins peeking through my furry forearms. I feel myself getting angry and I mysteriously get the urge to throw my couch out the window.



One of these "supplements" is called Creakic. It's a creatine pill? I think they brew it from a Mark McGuire lab child. Some of the stupidity written on the canister it comes in is just fascinating. Here are the 4 bullet points written on the bottle:

• Most Powerful Creatine Pill IN EXISTENCE


• World's First & Only MUSCLE RECEPTOR HYPERACTIVATOR


• Induces Rapid Gains in Size & Strength WITH NANOMOLECULAR TECHNOLOGY


• IMMEDIATELY RECHARGES CREATINE RECEPTORS BY DEACTIVATING REACTIVE OXYGEN SPECIES

I can just see your average steakhead looking at this advertisement and immediately eating one of the small orphans he has locked up in his basement. Protein! Deactivating Reactive Oxygen Species? Big Scientific words + Joey Gabanzo from Nutley, NJ getting out of his tanning bed = trouble. Take a look at the "science" behind this product here:

http://www.muscletech.com/products/creakic/science.shtml

I can feel my nuts getting smaller already. One more advertisement I must bring to the forefront here is TESTAGEN. Who's the spokesman? Jose Canseco! Main slogan: WHAT'S CANSECO ON NOW? What's Canseco on now? How about What The Fuck? TESTAGEN is developed by GAT: German American Technologies. AKA, the same crazy Nazi bastards that fucked with the German Olympic team and now hang out at Merck. Take a look at the link below. Under the "Coming Soon" label it reads like this word for word in the magazine (a bio on Canseco):

Introduced weight lifting to baseball

in his quest to become the best athlete he had ever seen, he became expert at using performance supplementation.

40/40: First to steal 40 bases and hit 40 homers in a single season. Seven Teams. 462 homers.

Rookie of the Year. American League MVP.

Controversy. Everywhere.

The second line doesn't even make sense and they state Seven Teams in the third bullet point like it is an accomplishment. Again, I wrote it as is with no edits. What a joke. This is one time that I really don't need much material here. This is so mind boggling it is hilarious to me. Please take a look at this website. You won't be sorry. I'm going to go ice my ass.

http://www.germanamericantechnologies.com/testagen_2008.html

From my mind to yourz, Donz.

Editors note (Me): When spell checking the following words were highlighted: Plasmacore, Cytolean, Creakic, Creatine, Hyperactivator, Nanomolecular, Nutley, Canseco, Gabanzo, TESTAGEN, GAT, and yourz. Any connections?